Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
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