Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
Randomize
