Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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