I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
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