i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
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