weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
Randomize
