Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
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