you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
Randomize
