If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
We need to get me chipped asap
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
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