Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
I take back everything I said about communal showers
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
Randomize
