Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
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