Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
I DEMAND FORESKIN
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
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