Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
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