It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
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