I puked a lego.
he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
Randomize
