You can't special order awesome
so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
Randomize
