i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
oh god was she eating orange peels again
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Randomize