I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
So much Jack, so little girl.
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
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