pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
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