U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
It's not a walk of shame if you run
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
