Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
Randomize
