I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
Randomize
