Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
i want to swaddle you in tequila
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
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