I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
Randomize
