My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
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