just come out here and I will go home with you...
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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