am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
Edward fifth and chaser hands
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
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