whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
Randomize
