I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
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