i think my tv is drunk
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
Randomize
