I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
FUCK WHALES
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
Randomize
