Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
I'm sobbing to NWA
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
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