I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
Randomize
