I met the friendliest cop last night
I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
Randomize
