I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
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