It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
I'm both gender and math confused
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
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