I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
i don't know how boys match. i think shoes & belt are the only thing. it doesn't matter. i just know if they look stupid.
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
Randomize
