I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
Randomize
