Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
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