so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
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