anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
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