it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
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