From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
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