I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
Randomize