That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
Randomize
