last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
Ladies don't puke and tell
Randomize
