Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
Randomize
