one word: firstdatebathroomanal
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
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