I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Randomize
