I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
Randomize
