I just threw up on my dentist
there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
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