Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
Randomize
