just tell him i said nine months
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
Threesome in a minivan. New low
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
What drink are we having for lunch?
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
Randomize
