She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
Randomize
