I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
Randomize
