I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
Randomize
