I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
Randomize
