If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
Randomize
