I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
Randomize
