Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
Randomize
