Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
