You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize