I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
Randomize
