She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
Randomize
