Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
Randomize
