Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
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