You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
Randomize
