Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
OPIZZABONMYDICK
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
Randomize
