Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
Randomize
