I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
Randomize